The reason I came here was to find out more about myself, like I did at VVR. So far, I have. I've discovered that I can really be myself 24/7 and no one will think of me differently. I've discovered that I can navigate through town on my own and no one will ask me where I'm going or when I'll be back. I've discovered that my life here, when you get down to it, doesn't carry as many differences from my other life in Utah as I'd imagined. Sure, the part where I'm living in a foreign country is completely new, and the fact that my classes are in Italian is definitely new. But, when I start looking down through the cracks at the details, I can see more similarities than I'd been originally looking for. First of all, I've discovered that people are people no matter where you go--two eyes, two ears, etc. complete with beliefs, accents, sense of style, a way of making other people laugh or understand them. It's the small, individual differences that makes a person different from the one sitting across the table from them, though--the way their eyes scrunch up when they laugh, the way they wiggle their foot when they're comfortable, the way they sigh when they begrudgingly go to and sit through class. We're all the same, more or less, piu' o meno, except for these special characterizations about us. That's what I'm talking about. But, what I'm beginning to understand more and more, is that, even though it is gorgeous and brimming over with culture and love and every good thing I can think of here, it has it's downs just like any other place. It just happens to be Italy, Europe, the Worldy. People, on the outside, are all the same for the most part. So are countries....except for the glorious details that make it "it."

It's time for an official update. First of all, I'm in Italy!! I made it here safely and pretty much in one piece...my mind was scattered and not quite complete. I've been here for, oh, 7 weeks now?? Somewhere around there. And my classes have been going on for 4 weeks this week. One of my most favorite things to do is go running here because it gives me a chance to stare at the city sights for as long and as fully as I'd like. I also love going to other cities and seeing what it's like...to find the charms and non-charms of a spot. Like Assisi, for instance. RUDE! and Perugia--sweet. :) I also like sitting outside, slowly drink a cappuccino, and watch all the people walk by. SO FUN. Basically, my days are filled with figuring out the next place to sit and do nothing. We don't do much here...except live the Italian culture. I've already learned so much about myself and this country. I've already discovered so many things that I didn't know before. I've already had so many good adventures and lessons taught. How can it get better? Well, for one, visiting Florence would make it better. And Venice. And Portofino. And Croatia... For two, to have those I love coming and visiting me. It's not that I'm lonely here, because I'm not, it's just that I wouldn't mind seeing an old familiar face every now and again...you know? Someone that knows and loves the Lisa from before my Italian adventures; someone that I can talk about old adventures with and share all my new adventures and discoveries with. Luckily, I have that to look forward to. I have SO MUCH to look forward to.

Just out of sight

So. Can one get so scared that they can't be scared anymore? Can stress overcome fear? Can fear become excitement? It's all confusing.

I have my VISA. I have my luggage. I have my airplane, train, and bus tickets to Urbino. What's missing?? Well, for one, a way to transfer my money over to Italy. Another? A way to not fry all my electronics from the higher-voltage outlets. What else? Actually fashionable clothes and a sense of style? That'd be nice.... Oh, and a way for my scholarship to actually go towards my TUITION like it's supposed to? "There's no f&^$&# way" says the bitchy lady at the Scholarship Office. Alright then, hard cash it is (who's to complain?).

Mexican food. Yum. Indian food. Double yum. Italian food?....not so much right now. I'll get my share later.

Who will my friends be? What classes will I take? How much will I actually travel? Are there any good running/hiking trails for me to explore upon? Is it safe? So many questions.

:) Good thing I'm a good problem solver.

Summer

A summer list of things to do:

Go to the Rodeo in Ogden
Watch Movies at the Amphitheater
Run 5k's and 10k's
Stay Away from H1N1: check
Go to the Aquarium: check
Eat at Bella Citta: check
PRACTICE ITALIAN!: semi-check
Be Tan and Stay Fit
Save Save Save Money: check
Get A's (no A-'s allowed): check-ish
Finally Send That Package to Leslie
Get My VISA: check
Visit Grandma and Grandpa: check
Visit Vista Verde
Throw Away Everything I Don't Need so I Don't Have to Pack It: check
Go to Harry Potter #6 Opening Night: eh, I saw it.
Throw a PAR-TAY for Whitney: kind of?
Read at least 5 Fun Books: check
Buy a New Laptop and Camera: check
Have a BBQ: check-ish
Go To Wedding Receptions: check
Fight in a Water Fight
Go To the Beach

Life Is Good

I can't believe I'm writing right now. I have written, oh, I'd say 20 pages of research papers in the last TWO DAYS. The sad thing is, I have about, oh, 5 plus 4 other pages to write and 10 other pages to perfect. Boy-oh-boy will I be glad when this is all done. :) I'm so close!! And I'm definitely, for once, actually motivated to get it done EARLY!

Awwww but you know what?? I really don't mind all of this work. I know I'm learning...I feel SMART....and I can tell that I'm really beginning to actually INTERNALIZE the things I'm learning about. It's such a great feeling. :)

So lately I've been really excited about school and getting as many degrees as possible. I've come to realize how easy it will be to get an Honor's Degree, Human Factors Certificate, Italian Minor, and my Psychology degree, too. All it will take is a single extra semester. TOTALLY worth it! I like feeling like I'm actually going somewhere and that maybe, just maybe, I could get into a decent graduate school.

One of my psych professors personally invited me to join her graduate program here and I'm actually thinking about taking her up on it. My Dad even wanted me to forgo Italy and graduating early so I could join her program. There's absolutely, positively NO WAY I will ever give up that experience, though. The only reason I wouldn't go to Italy for is if the entire country sunk into the Mediterranean Sea and ceased to exist. Studying abroad is what I have worked so hard for the last years of my life, and now that I've OFFICIALLY been accepted (YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!) every day I work harder to make sure my experiences there will be life changing.

School, life, and my dreams are all in optimal places right now. It's all so good. :)

Not A Time to Wish

It's that time of the year where things get...crazy. I knew it would come, we all knew it would, and here it is, knocking on our front doors and there's no way out.

It's so incredible to me how fast time passes. Every year I think to myself that there's no possible way for a year to go by faster than the last, but, alas, I'm always disproved. The last few years I've been trying to teach myself how to be more grateful for the days I've been given to live and experience. I know that sounds cheesy and cliche, but, honestly, I can never truly see myself doing everything that I want to do in my life. There's so much to do and learn and experience and see and love and eat and touch and listen to that sometimes it gets a little overwhelming.

I think I'm the type of person that rarely takes the small things for granted. If I happen to be walking on the streets of DC and see a blossoming cherry tree, I feel lucky to be at that specific spot at that specific time. If I walk across a busy city street, look down, and see a squirrel running alongside with me, I laugh and feel happy that I had the chance to experience that interaction. Seeing and, more importantly, appreciating the little things is what makes my life so different than others that I know, and I wouldn't change it for a second. I love it.

That's why I've been trying to teach myself to never wish for time to go faster than it does. Even if I'm DYING to fly off to the warm sunny Caribbean beaches over Winter Break or sooo excited to turn that last final paper in, I don't ever WISH for time to speed up. I try to see each day as a small victory in seeing everything as simple and complete. Yes, complete. And simple.

My finals happen to be on the same day this semester (wooohooo April 29th) but I'm not wishing for that day to arrive any faster than normal so that I can "get it over with." I know that wishing really won't make time go by faster (we all know that) but what I've learned is that I don't WANT the time from now to then to seem any faster than usual. Wishing is useless and just makes you miss out on the small things. I'll never have another chance to live at this exact age or experience my life with this precise amount of knowledge. I'll keep learning and seeing my life differently; I'll keep changing and seeing things in a new viewpoint. And that's great. :)

You'd Think I'd Get Used to It

So. For those of you who know me or talk to me regularly know that I want to study abroad in Italy next year. You all also know how much I've been worrying about my acceptance or lack thereof lately. It's honestly on my mind all the time, and I hate it. I was supposed to hear back from the study abroad office the FIRST WEEK of MARCH and still don't have any new news despite it being the first week of APRIL.
What I can't ignore are all of the sad puppy-dog eyes everyone gives me when they find out how late this acceptance is. Yes, I know that many of you are perfectly fine with assuming that I'm going and seeing that as a hard fact (and I love you all for that!), but I can't help doubt the possibility that I won't be accepted. What's worse is that I can't help feeling the same sadness that I see in all of you that I really may not go.
I just wish that the &*$^@ office could figure whatever they're trying to figure out and TELL me already if I'm accepted or not. I got a message yesterday inviting me to an orientation meeting for all those wonderful students studying abroad next year, but it's almost just an attempt to make me feel hopeful about this slow process--an attempt to tell me that they're still very aware that something's wrong and a fruitless effort to help me feel included.
I just don't want to get my hopes up more than they are. I used to be so certain about it. : (